Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?"
Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."
"Three? Well, when were they?" he asked.
"Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how the doctor came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Becky, you should do such a thingfor me, to save my l ife. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?"
"Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short..?" wow Power Leveling wow Power Leveling
Some Marriages Insights « Result #2 on Mar 12, 2009, 9:45pm »
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. -- Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -- Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- George Burns
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. -- Cindy Garner
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake." -- Henny Youngman
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. -- Phyllis Diller
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -- Henny Youngman
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. -- Erma Bombeck
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Steal What? « Result #3 on Feb 24, 2009, 10:58pm »
This story took place several years ago,wow power leveling, when our boys were about eight years old. It was the first game of the season, and the first game in which the boys began pitching. I went out to discuss ground rules with the umpire and realized that is was also the first year that the boys could steal bases. Unfortunately, we had not gone over this in practice. wow power leveling,So I hurried back to the dugout, gathered my players and proceeded to go over the rules.wow power leveling, As I got to the subject of stealing bases, I announced enthusiastically, "And this year we get to steal!" The news caused the boys to erupt into yelling and cheering. wow gold,Their response left me thinking positively that this might all work out okay after all. wow gold,Then the cheers died down, and as our team was about to take the field, one player loudly exclaimed,wow gold,"Steal what?!" I let out a groan as I realized that the question had come from my son!
A Fifth Maximum Ride Book? And possibly Summary « Result #4 on Oct 4, 2008, 2:28pm »
Water Wings: A Maximum Ride Novel
It was confirmed that a fifth Maximum Ride book will be released on March 16, 2009. The title of the book was revealed to be Water Wings: A Maximum Ride Novel. A summary was released in mid-2008:
Maximum Ride and the other members of the Flock have barely recovered from their last arctic adventure, when they are confronted by the most frightening catastrophe yet. Millions of fish are dying off the coast of Hawaii and someone--or something--is destroying hundreds of ships. Unable to discover the cause, the government enlists the Flock to help them get to the bottom of the disaster before it is too late. While Max and her team are exploring the depths of the ocean, their every move is being carefully tracked by Mr. Chu--a criminal mastermind with his own plans for the Flock. Can they protect themselves from Mr. Chu's army of mercenaries and save the ocean from utter destruction?
Book Summary (Final Warning) « Result #6 on Oct 4, 2008, 2:14pm »
The flock attend Ari's funeral, just after a new breed of Flyboy attacks the cabin they were thought to be living in. The flock are led by Dr Martinez, who is now called Mom by Max, and Jeb to Washington where they are offered a comfortable life and an education in return for aid from the flock to the government. Fang tries to kiss Max again. Max barely recognizes her subconscious love for Fang before she flies off the near by dock away from Fang. Max refuses the government offer and facility and they leave Washington. The flock members have also begun to mutate on their own, or without the abilities programmed in. Angel develops a shape-changing skill, Nudge develops magnetism, Fang develops the ability to disappear, and Iggy finds he knows what colour things are by touching them. Meanwhile, it is revealed that the new breed of Flyboy, who are lumpy and misshapen, were created by a cybernetic man called the Uber-Director, or UD by Max. The head lieutenant is a powerful new Flyboy called Gozen. Dr Martinez takes the flock to meet a woman named Brigid Dwyer, who offers them a comfortable life for nothing. Max doesn't believe her and asks her to show her what the flock would have to do. They are offered a place on a research ship which is on its way to the Antarctic, the flock accept and are soon on the bottom of the world. When they get there, two new, very unexpected skills develop. Iggy begins to see, but soon realizes he can only see things if they are surrounded by white, and Total grows wings. During the trip, Max becomes paranoid when she finds Brigid and Fang getting closer. Fang confronts Max's emotional behavior telling her they will always have a "thing", that she knows that and nothing is going to change it. A member of the research ship is attacked by a Leopard Seal and killed. The flock discovers that she was a spy sending information from the vessel. Angel goes off with Total and the love of his life, Akila, a Malamute brought along on the Antarctic expedition. Angel falls down a crevasse but is soon rescued by Fang and Max, who are in turn captured by Gozen. The rest of the flock was also captured and they are taken to Miami, which has been evacuated because of a Category 5 hurricane that is about to hit. They meet the Uber-Director (or "UD"), who attempts to auction them off to worldwide bidders, but the building they are in is destroyed by a Category 5 hurricane. Gozen and the UD are both destroyed, but the rest of the Flock survive, along with Akila. The ending consists of Max standing before Congress in Washington, D.C. pleading for the planet to change its ways. The flock is given a comfy life and a School dedicated to them. Max complained that School was the wrong word to pick, but before the flock can even enjoy it, the voice inside Max's head speaks up and tells them that their mission is not over. The book ends with the Flock launching into the sky, with Max saying they can face any challenge that they come across.
Summary Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports « Result #7 on Oct 4, 2008, 2:13pm »
The time has arrived for Max and her winged "Flock" to face their ultimate enemy and discover their original purpose: to defeat the takeover of "Re-evolution." A sinister experiment to re-engineer a select population into a scientifically superior master race...and to terminate the rest. Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gasman, and Angel have always worked together to defeat the forces working against them; but they are torn apart, and still have to save the world. They also battle new enemies, like the flyboys. Max and Fang get closer.
Plot For all 4 Books « Result #9 on Oct 4, 2008, 2:06pm »
Twilight Book I Summary
Isabella "Bella" Swan moves from sunny Phoenix, Arizona to rainy Forks, Washington to live with her father, Charlie. She chooses to do this so that her mother, Renée, can travel with her new husband, Phil Dwyer, who is a minor league baseball player. In Phoenix she was a bit of an outcast, so it surprises her that she attracts much attention at her new school and is quickly befriended by several students. Much to her dismay, several boys in the school, namely Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie, compete for shy Bella's attention.
When Bella sits next to Edward Cullen in class on her first day of school, Edward seems utterly repulsed by her. He even attempts to change his schedule to avoid her, leaving Bella completely puzzled about his attitude towards her. After tricking a family friend, Jacob Black of the Quileute tribe, into telling her the local tribal legends, Bella concludes that Edward and his family are vampires. Although she was inexplicably attracted to him even when she thought Edward drank human blood, she is much relieved to learn that the Cullens choose to abstain from drinking human blood, and drink animal blood instead. Over time, Edward and Bella fall in love. Their foremost problem is that to Edward, Bella's scent is a hundred times more potent than any other human's, making Edward struggle to resist his desire to kill her. However, despite this, Edward and Bella manage to stay together safely for a time.
The seemingly perfect state of their relationship is thrown into chaos when another vampire coven sweeps into Forks and James, a tracker vampire, decides that he wants to hunt Bella for sport. The Cullens plan to distract the tracker by splitting up Bella and Edward, and Bella is sent to hide in a hotel in Phoenix. Bella then gets a phone call from James in which he says that he has her mother, and Bella is forced to give herself up to James at her old dance studio, where he attacks her. Edward, along with the rest of the Cullen family, rescue Bella before James can kill her. Once they realize that James had bitten Bella's hand, Edward sucks the venom out of her system before it can spread and change her into a vampire. Upon returning to Forks, Bella and Edward attend their prom and Bella expresses her desire to become a vampire, which Edward refuses to let happen.
New Moon
Isabella "Bella" Swan is thrown an eighteenth birthday party by Alice and Edward Cullen, the vampire she loves, and the rest of their vampire family. While unwrapping a gift, she receives a paper cut. Jasper, although attempting a non-human diet, is overwhelmed by the scent of blood and tries to attack Bella. In an attempt to keep Bella safe from the world of vampires, Edward and his family leave the small town of Forks. Bella enters a deep depression and seeks comfort with Jacob Black, an old family friend who clears the haze of Bella's pain.
Bella and Jacob spend more and more time together, and Bella soon discovers that the rush of adrenaline present when she places herself in dangerous situations stimulates a hallucination of Edward's voice. Bella begins seeking out dangerous behavior, such as motorcycle riding, to keep Edward's voice with her. Meanwhile, Jacob finds out that he is a werewolf. Initially, he tries to keep this secret from Bella, but he eventually reveals as much as he can without betraying his pack. After Bella attempts cliff-jumping, she gets caught in a riptide and is rescued by Jacob.
At the same time, Alice Cullen, Edward's vampire "sister" who has visions of the future, has a vision of Bella jumping. However, werewolves are one flaw in her ability, and she does not see Jacob rescuing Bella. Presuming Bella is dead, Alice rushes to Forks to check on Charlie, Bella's father, while Edward calls Bella's home. Jacob picks up and informs Edward that Charlie is "at the funeral", referring to that of a man in town who had a heart attack, but Edward draws the conclusion that it is Bella's funeral. Desperate after Bella's supposed death, Edward flees to Italy to see the Volturi, peace-keeping vampires who would be able to kill Edward, granting him leave of a world without Bella.
Bella and Alice rush to Italy to stop Edward, and save him before it is too late. Before they leave Italy, the Volturi tell them that Bella, a human who knows of the existence of vampires, must either be killed or changed into a vampire herself. After they return to Forks, Edward explains to Bella that he only left in order to protect her, and she forgives him. The book ends with the Cullens voting in favor of Bella being changed into a vampire, much to Edward's dismay.
Eclipse
The story begins with the revelation that Seattle is being plagued by a string of unsolved murders, which Edward suspects to be the cause of a newborn vampire that is unable to control its thirst. Edward and Bella fill out college applications, while Bella explains to Edward her desire to see Jacob, her werewolf friend, again. Meanwhile, Alice Cullen has a vision that Victoria, a vampire that is hunting Bella, is back in town. Although Edward fears for her safety, Bella insists that Jacob and the rest of the werewolf pack would never harm her, but Edward is still not convinced. Bella escapes to La Push to see Jacob while Edward is away, and arrives afterwards at her house unharmed. This convinces Edward that the La Push werewolves are harmless to her and he allows Bella to visit Jacob once in a while, as long as she keeps a phone with her at all times.
A few days later Bella tries to get Edward to make love to her before turning her into a vampire. Edward initially refuses, explaining to Bella that he could very easily kill her. Eventually, upon realizing how much it means to Bella, he says that he is willing to try in the future as long as they are married first. Despite having an aversion to marriage, Bella realizes that spending eternity with Edward is more important to her than anything else and accepts his proposal.
Bella and the Cullens realize that the murders in Seattle are being committed by Victoria and an "army" of newborn vampires. The Cullen family joins forces with the werewolf pack in order to combat this threat. As everyone else prepares for battle, Edward and Bella camp up in the mountains, where they are later joined by Jacob and Seth Clearwater, a young member of the werewolf pack, to wait out the fight.
In the morning, Jacob overhears Edward and Bella discussing their engagement and becomes very upset. He threatens to join the fight and get himself killed because Bella doesn't love him. When Bella begs him not to, Jacob insists that he will unless she asks him to kiss her. Furious, she does so, and while kissing him she realizes that she loves him, too. However, she explains that her love for Edward is eternal and that she cannot live without him.
Their family and friends successfully destroy Victoria and her "army", though Jacob is injured when saving Leah Clearwater. He heals swiftly under the supervision of Carlisle. Bella visits Jacob in his home to tell him of her choice, and Jacob, angry at Bella's decision to become a vampire, runs away in his wolf form to escape the pain he feels.
Breaking Dawn
Breaking Dawn is split into three separate "books", or parts. The prologue contains Bella's thoughts on her pregnancy when she was in danger of dying.[2] The first part details Bella's marriage and honeymoon with Edward, which they spend on a private island off the coast of Brazil. Edward grants Bella's wish and makes love to her. Soon after, Bella finds a box of unused tampons and realizes her period is late. After contacting Carlisle, who confirms her belief that she is pregnant, she and Edward plan to return home. Edward, concerned for her wellbeing, urges her to get an abortion. However, Bella wants to keep the child and decides to contact Rosalie for support, as she knows Rosalie has always wanted children.
The second part changes to Jacob Black's point of view, and lasts throughout Bella's pregnancy and childbirth. The pack of werewolves, not knowing what danger the unborn child may pose, make plans to destroy it. Jacob, however, disagrees and revolts, leaving the pack and creating his own. Soon after, Bella gives birth, approximately a month after becoming pregnant. The birth causes her bones to break and she loses massive amounts of blood, and in an attempt to save her life, Edward changes her into a vampire. Jacob, who was present for the birth, immediately imprints on Bella's newborn daughter, Renesmee.
The final part shifts back to Bella's perspective, who has been changed into a vampire and is enjoying her time. However, the vampire Irina misidentifies Renesmee as an "immortal child", a child turned into a vampire before it is old enough to be responsible for its actions. The creation and protection of "immortal children" was previously outlawed by the Volturi. Irina presents her allegation to the Volturi, who then plan to destroy Renesmee. In an attempt to save her, the Cullens gather vampires from around the world to stand as witnesses and prove to the Volturi that Renesmee is not an immortal child. When the gathered Cullen allies and witnesses meet the Volturi in a clearing in the forest, the Volturi discover that they have been misinformed and immediately execute Irina for her mistake. However, they are still undecided on whether Renesmee is a threat. At that time, Alice and Jasper, who had left prior to the confrontation, return with Nahuel, a 150-year-old vampire-human crossbreed like Renesmee. He demonstrates that the crossbreeds pose no threat and the Volturi leave, knowing that they no longer have reason to destroy Renesmee. Bella, Edward, and Renesmee return to their home, free to live happily.
Reading List « Result #10 on Oct 4, 2008, 12:19pm »
Classics:
Alice in Wonderland ....... Lewis Carroll Through the Looking Glass ....... Lewis Carroll The Picture of Dorian Gray ....... Oliver Wilde Frankenstein ........ Mary Shelly Dracula .......... Bram Stoker Robinson Crusoe.......... Daniel Defoe Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde ......... Robert Louis Stevenson Tom Sawyer.......... Mark Twain Adventures of Huckleberry Fin ........ Mark Twain Moby Dick ........ Herman Melville Peter Pan............ J. M. Barrie
Teen:
Vladimir Tod Eighth Grade Bites...... Heather Brewer Vladimir Tod Ninth Grade Slays...... Heather Brewer Maximum Ride Book I....... James Patterson Maximum Ride Book II ........ James Patterson Maximum Ride Book III ........ James Patterson Maximum Ride Book IV......... James Patterson Saint of Dragons........... Jason Hightman Samuari....... Jason Hightman
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